Jumping on the Bacon Bandwagon

But not too hard.? Bacon floorboards are not known for their resiliance.

So there we were, the wife and I, driving home from a half-day spent in Concord, mostly spent window shopping, when we decided to take an alternate, more scenic route home.

Topping a rise in the road, what appears before me but -

THE BACON RUG COMPANY

Man, they sure are taking this bacon thing way too far. Bacon taped to cats is one thing – strangely amusing in and of itself – bacon bandaids, bacon jellybeans, bacon recipe books – all mere attempts to cash in on the bacon craze (and helping it replicate).

But – a Bacon Rug store?? I immediately flashed on wizened old Navajo women, sitting?on the?sand out in front of their?yurts,?weaving intricate patterns with a two-color palette – brownish, brickish red and fatty yellow off-white;? Dupont senior chemists feverishly experimenting to develop a method for bacon-strip consistency.

As I pulled over, still pondering the methods used to encase an edible bacon rug that would allow its smell to permeate a room while preventing the rug from being eaten or rotting, my wife said “What are you doing?”

“Give?me your phone – I gotta take a picture of this”

She handed me her I-phone.? “A picture of what?”

“The Bacon Rug Company sign!? I’ve seen pics of bacon hats and bacon art and bacon jelly beans – but I don’t think anyone has put up pictures of bacon rugs!? This is going to be great!”

My wife did the knowing ‘my husband is crazy but I mostly tolerate it?- mostly’ look. “Bacon hats?? That’s stupid. What’s the big deal?”

I was practically out of the car at this point, intent on catching the light and the proper angle for my photos. “Bacon is a big thing on the internet.? Scalzi taped some to one of his cats and it’s all over the place.”

“He taped bacon to his cat?”

“Honey, its just one of those internet things.? It’s?way too complicated to explain, but everyone on the internet is crazy about bacon. That, or they HATE bacon. Its one or the other.”

“You know they don’t make?rugs out of bacon in there, right?”

“What do you mean!?? Look!? I can see bacon strips drying in the window right over there!”

“Those are Christmas icicle lights, dear.”

“What are you talking??? It’s bacon drying before they skein it.? Then they’re going to spin it into bacon wool and then the wizened old Navajo women can weave it into carpets.? And after that the NASA rocket scientists – assisted by Dupont and Dow-Corning research technicians will encase them in a permeable yet resilient matrix created out of some esoteric, 18-syllable name polymer.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Yes dear.? But you knew that before you married me.”

“Can we go now?”

“Can’t you smell it?? I can smell it.? It’s so strong – must be one of those industrial-sized rolls of bacon carpet.”

“Ok.? I smell bacon.? Mmmm.? Bacon.? Happy now?”

“See – I told you they were making carpets out of bacon.”

“You know this place was here before the internet.”

“Oh my god!? Pre-Scalzi bacon carpets!? Do you realize what you’ve just done honey?? You may have discovered the Ur-site of all of bacondom.? Paleobaconologists will be flocking here by the thousands.? I think we better leave – I’ve gotta get this picture up on the web before anyone scoops me.”

“You do that dear. No.? You can’t use my Iphone to post it.”